What is it that we run from at times? Ourselves. Our fear. Our pain. Our mistakes. Our demons. Whatever the reasons, I find that these days more and more people are finding it hard to sleep at night. Their mind is not at peace, and it doesn’t matter if they are sitting at home, or going for a long drive, or for a run in the middle of the night. Their mind is racing at a speed that at times seems to be out of control.
I got a email from a reader of mine who had been following my work for years. Lets call her ‘Cindy’ to protect her privacy. Though we had never met, she felt connected to me through my writings. He email was long, but I got the reason why she sent me the email. She was asking me if I knew how to shut off the mind?
Most of the time, people going through this kind of suffering have a chemical imbalance. Which can be fixed by prescription drugs, not the ones you get off the streets. That chemical imbalance is a mixture of not eating well, not getting enough exercise, and not laughing enough.
Have I had times in the past where I wish I could do that – ‘Shut my brain off?’ Of course, we are only human, not super human. We need a reboot to our system once in while in order for us to prevent it from crashing. That reboot hopefully comes before the crash.
Cindy’s pain was that she kept thinking about her past over and over in her mind. She couldn’t shut off the replay loop of her thoughts. What she did wrong? Why did this happen to her? Why. Why. Why… were the thoughts going through her mind. Cindy’s problem was a heartbroken relationship. The man she was with for over two years, broke her heart, because he could not take a stand for her. His family did not approve of her, and therefore, when push came to shove, his family knew what to do with their son. They gave their son a ultimatum. He out of fear, picked the only thing he knew to be secure, his parents. Cindy felt abandoned, heart-broken, betrayed, lost, lonely, confused, angry, and depressed.
After months of sulking around her house. Stalking her ex-boyfriend and putting herself through more pain and suffering. She decided to reach out for help. She sent me an email. I replied back, asking to setup a time to talk on the phone. She agreed and was surprised that I replied back. So when we spoke, I asked her, if she ate today?
She said, “A little bit, why?”
“I want to make sure you are not ignoring your health and body,” I replied.
“Oh, thank you, but I am eating, not regularly, but its better than before,” Cindy replied.
“Can you get a glass of water and have it beside you before we start talking,” I requested.
Cindy replied “Sure.”
I dialogue between Cindy and I went back and fourth for about an hour and half. What came out of that was me listening to her and not saying much until the last 22 minutes or so. What I told her was the following when she was done speaking.
“Do you want me to by force bring your ex-boyfriend back into your life and make him love you? Don’t answer that, that is a rhetorical question. If I was to do that, what will you have? You will have someone at any given time, leave you again. In life you have you know your value. If you do not, people will disrespect you. Like your ex-boyfriend did. It seems like you have low self-esteem and do not mind having your ex-boyfriend mistreat you, as long as you get him back. Having low self-esteem is not a negative thing, as long as you are willing to recognize it, accept it, learn from it, and move on. What you are going through, thousands, perhaps even millions of people have gone through this before your time. You are not alone. You will get through this, stronger and more confident. The first thing you have to accept is that you are weak, and you did put your heart out there and it did not get its return on investment as you hoped. But love is not like playing the stock market, is it?”
“No, it isn’t,” Cindy replied.
“What keeps you up at night? Is it his kisses, his promises, picturing you two together in intimate ways?,” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
“That is natural. That feeling will come back again, but not with your ex, rather with another,” I said.
“All I can tell you is this; I do not have all the answers. Even if I did, I don’t think you would see them, if they were standing right in front you. Sometimes in life, in order to gain strength and be strong. You have to put in the pain and suffering mentally to get to that stage. This part of your life is not the end, its the beginning and start to a new you, which you have not yet discovered, but you are still holding your ankle as you sprained it playing tennis,” I said.
“But I don’t play tennis… Oh, I get it. Very smart way to look at it. Wow I am starting to feel better already,” Cindy replied.
“Midnights have echoes of so many souls before your time, as they all starred into the dark night up above looking for answers, weeping away their tears of pain, looking for a way out. The way out was right in front of them, but like any kid does, when you take their favorite toy away, they are going to have a fit. And you Cindy had just gotten your toy pulled away from you and you are not happy, a bit pissed off, but don’t worry. The world is a gift shop. There are lots of free new things to try out. The only condition to the freedom of choice is that you will be here again on another dark night, that when that night comes, you look at it and realize that you are not alone and you do not want to be stuck into the darkness of the midnight run of pain, tears, and insecurity,” I said.
“Now would be a good time for you to take a drink from that glass of water,” I said to her.
“Wow, how did you know I was getting thirsty?” she replied.
I replied to her laughing, “I am psychic,” didn’t you know.
Cindy was feeling on top of the world after our talk. Positive. Full of new hope. I followed up with her the following week, and she was still in positive spirits, thanking me a lot for helping her. She felt she owned me something because I helped her. I told her, you owe me nothing, because I gave you something which I borrowed from the universe anyways, and its not mine to claim. All I ask is that if you can, give it back to the universe, as we all come empty handed, and leave empty handed.
If you ever have been stuck in the midnight runs, staying awake wondering how you are going to see the light shinning back in your life. Just remember you are not alone and that you are the caption of your ship. The longer you stay in that darkness, the more the demons start playing with your head with negative thoughts, jealousy, and hate.
Author: Raaj Kapur Brar