I stay awake at night, my mind restless, my thoughts scattered all over the place. I am looking for answers to everything. The world around me seems to be falling apart as I watch the news. How did it get this way? How can I go back and look at life through a child’s eye? I sign, take a deep breath, and close my eyes in hopes of falling asleep. With my eyes closed, in my head, I decide to say a prayer. I am not a religious person, but rather spiritual one. I try to talk to that entity of energy that made everything in our world, and universe. I ask for strength, grace, and patience. I ask for courage for moments like tonight so that I can see the brighter side of things. I take a deep breathe and as I am drifting away into darkness, I see two blue dots coming and going into the darkness of my eyes, like a pair of deep bright blue eyes watching me. I slowly drift away to sleep.
I awake after a lengthy sleep at around 2pm in the afternoon. My mind, and body feel rested. I don’t feel my mind racing like a madman. The sun is shinning through the windows shutters of my room. It feels like for a moment that I am sleeping on a open field with the rays of the sun shinning down on my body. I swing my legs out of bed, and drag myself to the bathroom to wash my face, and as I close my eyes to feel the splash of cold water waking my senses. I see those blue eyes again. My hands pause as they are about to give my face a rinse. I open my eyes and see my face in the mirror and they are gone. I close my eyes again, and I see blue eyes again. I start thinking, as I activate my motor functions again to continue to do their morning thing, as to why I am seeing these blue eyes.
I put on my blue jeans, dark-navy blue t-shirt, and grey socks. And head downstairs into the kitchen to make myself some late afternoon breakfast. I miss the sound of my little girl running around in the house. Any thought of her in my mind, puts a smile on my face. More importantly, I think it gives me purpose, I mean a greater purpose to get up in the morning and do something with my life. As I am pouring milk into my cereal, I start to think a deep thought. Mornings are always great for visions of any kind! I think to myself, that when I die, which everyone does at one point or another in their lifetime, either naturally, by accident, or by someone. I ask myself, am I happy with everything around me? My friends, my life, my health, the world that I live in? I keep thinking along these lines with visions of how if I could, go about changing things. As I finish my cereal, and grab my apple I walk towards my front door for my daily walk.
Interaction with life is important to me. If I don’t get that, I feel unconnected with the world; and with myself. As I walk, I can breathe the fresh air into my lungs. All my body parts are moving and energy is flowing in and out of my body. All those actions are controlled, expect two. My mind, and the flow of energy. My thoughts have no limits, no boundaries, and they can think of anything they want, and take my anywhere I want to be. I laugh a little thinking, I can have a vacation in my head! As I walk down my street with a smile on my face looking down at the road in front of me.
All of a sudden I hear a door open on a house I am about to approach, and I see a women running out in her thirties and stopping on the first step of stairs, putting her hands on her face, as she stars crying. She does not see me or hear me. I can see she is in pain, upset, and sad. I don’t need to talk to her to sense that. It’s called body language. As I slow my stride and watch her, I can feel her pain, I have this desire to help her now. At moments like these all my problems and issues are not important or take center stage in my life. Right now to me, trying to help this women is something I want to do. My second thought is to leave her alone, as its none of my business to get involved, as I have my own problems. But, then isn’t that kind of thinking that builds more sadness and emptiness within our communities and neighbors. Our neighbors should be like family, rather than strangers. Before my logical mind could make its choice. A greater wisdom took over my body. Which was ‘Human Energy.‘ The flow of human energy is too powerful and it does not need to make sense. It just needs to feel right. This was the right thing to do, helping her. My body walks over, as my heart starts to beat faster, as this is not something I have ever done before, and I say Hello, and ask ‘Are you Ok!‘
She jumps up wondering where I came from.
“Sorry I did not mean to scare you. I was just walking by and saw you come out upset. Everything alright? Can I help,’ I ask.
‘No no, everything is fine. Thank you.’ she says.
‘My name is Raaj, and you are…,” I said.
‘Sorry I must really go inside, please don’t worry about it, everything is fine,‘ she says and gets up to go back inside.
I had to say something to her. I was not connecting to her. How could I, I hardly know her. In fact, I don’t know her at all. I am a complete stranger, I could be a freak, or a psycho to her. I had to think quick and fast, otherwise she was going to walk away.
‘Hmmm, listen. I know you don’t know me. I don’t mean to get involved, honestly, I don’t. I just saw you as I was walking. I get sad sometimes too, but I keep it bottled up, and its not healthy. I have a daughter, she is 5 years old, and I promised her that I would care about people more. So please if I can help, let me know. I hear milk and cookies at 3pm are always good for the soul,‘ I said to her as she stopped to listen, she turned her head and smiled a little and walked back into her house.
I was trying to analyze what just came out of my mouth. I was more confused and happy at the same time that what I said made her smile. I turned around and walked away from her house, still thinking, as I am trying to catch my stride back from my walk that I set out to do when I left my house. I look over my shoulder over at her house as I am walking away, and I see her looking at me through her window smiling. Watching her smile put a smile on my face as I turned my head back towards my walk.
‘Yeah, it must have been the milk and cookies, that put that smile on her face.‘ I told myself as I continued my stride.
My little girl loves milk and cookies at 3pm every afternoon, and as I imagine her curling up into a little ball of a ‘little daddy’s girl‘ into my arms and lap. I can feel she is safe, comfortable, with no stress in the world. And to her, everything can be fixed with milk and cookies. And when I think about it, my little 5 year old is right. No problem is too big that can’t be fixed.
Every child that is born is a sign that god has not given up on us! So I have faith in myself, and in my neighbors, that we all can make life better. We all can reach out just a little to lend a helping hand to those in need. We all stand together stronger than standing apart.
I am still trying to figure out the blue eyes I keep seeing and what that means? Should I get my eyes checked? Maybe, or maybe not. But until I figure it out, and as I walk now with a little hope in my step, I can’t help to sing one of my favorite songs ‘Blue Skies’.
“Never saw the sun shining so bright
Never saw things going so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you’re in love, my how they fly
Blue days
All of them gone
Nothing but blue skies
From now on… “
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Written by: Raaj Kapur Brar
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* note: If you like what I wrote, leave your comments below. I will try to every Sunday write something meaningful, truthful, and inspiring. God Bless.